Whispering Lies…

The devil made me do it!

I must admit, I haven’t heard that one in the past few decades, unless spoken in jest.  Probably because it’s too cliche or funny to use as a legitimate excuse for something we’ve done that we ought not to have.  But how often do we do things we shouldn’t and perhaps more often than not, get away with it? Do we justify our actions by shifting the blame to others, pleading our own case of stress or distress which should make us more sympathetic before the judge and jury of our conscience?

Let’s take it a step back from the actual action.  How about the root cause? Sometimes when I’ve done something regrettable–if I’ve been able to come to a point of getting real about it–I ask myself why I did it, or what led me to do it.  Our actions come from our choices, obviously.  But from where do our choices stem? Habits, character, and core beliefs.  I could speak about each of the aforementioned pillars of our makeup, but today I want to discuss core beliefs.

 

Let’s say someone cuts you off on the freeway.  They’re driving like a madperson and cutting others off along the way, putting everyone in danger.  What do you do?  I’ve seen a few different responses to this including: leaning on the horn, a one-finger salute, actually chasing after the offender and threatening to ram them, catching up, rolling down the window and cussing…the list goes on (okay, I’ll admit to only one of those and leave you to guess which.)

Initially, our anger comes from the surprise, and physical response to the threat of sudden danger.  But then, the next response comes from our core beliefs.  For example:  “That guy is a total jerk!  He’s inconsiderate, stupid, and cares nothing about others.”  So, while you might not have raced up to his bumpers and threatened to run him off the road at 80 MPH, you might be actually thinking or saying those words, right?  The same words/thoughts that at least make you want to shout all kinds of things at him, but because the kids are in the back seat, you refrain.  Which reminds me of this cute joke:  In the back seat of the car, while stuck in traffic, Billy says, “Mommy, how come the #$%$#% jerks only come out when Daddy’s driving?”

Back to the whispered lies.

Imagine for a second that the @#$# jerk who just cut you off is actually driving his three year old daughter to the emergency room, as something awful has just happened.  If you knew that to be the case, would you react the same way as if you didn’t?  Probably not.

This is a rough example of how our core beliefs affect our perspective and actions.  We might not actually know the truth about the guy who cut us off, but sometimes we believe certain things about ourselves and others that so shape our attitudes, thoughts, words, and actions towards them, and towards ourselves.

For example:

At 13, Kelly had always been a bit heavy as a child.  Her stressed out and depressed single mom, never missed an opportunity to criticize not only her appearance, but also blamed her for being lazy and therefore fat.  In her frustration, and during an argument Mom blurts out, “…that’s why you’re fat and will never amount to anything!  Your too lazy!”

Mom had forgotten that since Kelly was a baby, she’d been feeding her all the wrong kinds of food, never took her out to play or exercise, and most of all, Mom herself is extremely overweight and pushes her own despair onto her daughter.  And little did Mom know, though Kelly flipped her the bird and stormed out of the house, she never forgot those words.  In fact, deep down, she believed they were true.  I am overweight because I’m lazy.  I will never amount to anything.  I’m just like Mom.  So why bother trying to change?  It’s my fate.

Kelly’s core beliefs led her to all kinds of self-destructive habits, relationships, and eventual suicide attempts.

Now, imagine if the same Mom had not said those hurtful words, but instead said something like this.  “Kelly, let’s start taking better care of ourselves.  I know it’s tough, and we’ll have to make some lifestyle changes, but we can do it.  We can do anything with the right mindset and determination.:  And if she’s a Christian, she might say, “We can do all things through Him who gives us strength.”  Do you think Kelly’s life would have ended up differently?

 

Joshua Graham is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, winner of the International Book Award and Forward National Literature Award. His thrillers include DARKROOM, LATENT IMAGE and BEYOND JUSTICE, and TERMINUS. Graham's works have been characterized as thought-provoking page-turners.

Legal Notice: All information on this website and blog are from Mr. Graham's personal experience and insight and should not be viewed in any way, directly or inferred, as qualified professional advice.

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