A Matter of Perspective
perspective (pəˈspɛktɪv)
— n
1.
a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance
Judge not, lest ye be judged
Have you ever had this experience?
You’re waiting somewhere public like–oh, I don’t know, DMV or something–and someone near you is acting incredibly rude and inconsiderate. (Hold on, before you all jump and raise your hands, don’t answer just yet, because we’re not focusing on that person, we’re focusing on you.) Right away, you shake your head and start thinking of a million things you want to say to him/her, but you prefer not to make a scene. And confrontation
ion is just not something you have the patience for.
So instead,as this “rude” person continues to annoy you, you start to think thoughts.
Not kind ones.
That guy was probably never taught manners. Who does she think she is? Must be more fun than a barrel of monkeys being married to him!
Sometimes, you feel a little better about the situation, having poked him in the head–in your mind. The operative phrase: “a little.” But more often than not, as you stew over this person imposing her rudeness all over everyone (not the least of whom…YOU), all you want to do is justify your angry thoughts towards them.
Jerk.
Uneducated.
Riff-raff.
Punk.
Witch with a Capital B
Terms you’ve likely expressed verbally, if not telepathically.
At the end of the experience, you’ve done one of two things: 1) Given Mr. or Ms. Rude a piece of your mind, or 2) suffered in silence, almost as angry at yourself for not standing up for yourself and what’s right.
Either way, there’s a good chance that you’re not feeling satisfied with the experience. If that’s the case, have you ever wondered why? Does this person remind you of things you don’t like about yourself? Maybe not directly, but at the very least, he reminds you that people are all less than perfect.
But how well do you really know this person? In this DMV example, not at all. But even with those with whom we’re very familiar, or even think we know very well, there’s always more than meets the eye (our own perspective.) Understanding this can make the difference between being indignant and full of grace.
Let me tell you a story I once heard.
It was the end of an endless week when Margaret got on a commuter bus which took its passengers clear across town. A twenty minute ride, which for her quickly became uncomfortable. As she sat there, trying to read her magazine, a constant thumping on the back of her chair kept jarring her.
She turned around and saw a boy, about four years old standing on his seat, looking out the window, jumping up and down, kicking her seatback, and his toddler brother sitting on their father’s lap. Each of them took turns kicking the back of the ladies chair as though they’d just discovered a new game: “Kick the old lady’s chair.”
She was about to say something, when the older boy made eye contact. He smiled sheepishly and they stopped.
Fine. At least they know they were bothering her.
Back to her magazine.
Not 30 seconds later, the thumping continued. Margaret waited patiently and counted to ten, hoping it would stop before she had to turn around and say something.
8…9…10…11…12…13!
She turned around and gave them a sharp look. “Please stop that.”
The boys looked a bit surprised, and quickly obeyed. They settled down seeming sincere in their intentions. Margaret looked over to their father, who just stared out the fogged window. Rain drops dotted the glass and slid down like tears from heaven.
Or sweat from Hell.
Never mind, Margaret thought. If he’s not going to say anything to his children, then it’s going to be his fault when he can’t control them later in life. People of that sort deserve the rotten kids they end up with because they don’t discipline them. That’s what you get for sparing the rod…a spoiled child.
She turned back to her magazine, ready to spring the moment the next kick in the seatback came.
Barely had she touched the page when a loud squeal of laughter pierced the air, followed by the heaviest thump of all. The entire seatback lurched forward and knocking the magazine out of her hand.
Without hesitation, she stood up, went to the aisle seat behind her row and jabbed a finger at the father’s shoulder. He was still staring out the window as his two little primates bounced around tickling each other.
“Sir?….SIR!”
He turned around and squinted at her. “Yes?” He seemed dazed. Probably hitting the bottle hard. And to think, he’s dragging children around while he’s drunk!
“You had better get your boys under control. Or hadn’t you noticed?”
The words seemed to sink in because his face twitched a little. His eyes widened momentarily as though surprised. Then, finally getting it, he put his hand on his older son’s shoulder and gestured for him to sit down. Then he held his younger son tight on his lap, almost rewarding him with affectionate hugs.
Of course. Coddling the little brats is why they’re behaving that way.
“You know, you really should try to discipline your children. Such behavior!”
He sniffed wetly and to her surprise, a single tear rolled down his face when he looked up to answer. “I’m really sorry, I must not have been paying attention. You see, we’re just coming back from the hospital. They’re mother just passed away, and they don’t really understand what’s happened. I still don’t know how to break it to them. But I’ve been praying for strength because when we get home, I’m going to have to tell them they won’t be seeing their Momma any more.”
# # #
There’s always more to a person’s behavior than meets the eye. The next time you or I feel tempted to rush to judgment when something is “clearly” wrong with another person, let’s take a moment to see if we can’t extend some grace. If we knew the whole story, there’s a chance we might act differently.
I’d love to hear from you, please use the comment section or the contact button.
Joshua Graham is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, winner of the International Book Award and Forward National Literature Award. His thrillers include DARKROOM, LATENT IMAGE and BEYOND JUSTICE, and TERMINUS. Graham's works have been characterized as thought-provoking page-turners.
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